34 Lessons in 34 Years

I have had a recurring fantasy over the years of being able to return to earlier point in life and "knowing everything I know now, then." It seems if I could just go back to some of the situations, issues and problems I faced years ago and apply the knowledge and experience earned through life, it would be easier to make wise decisions. At the very least I know I never would have bought that 1976 Ford Pinto!

The point is, even someone like myself (who caused his teachers to pull their hair out) can eventually learn. With that native optimism in mind, on our 34th anniversary Susan and I give you 34 things we have learned in 34 years of marriage:

Woody
1. When Susan tells me that something seems wrong in a social situation, she is usually right. Just because she can't explain something logically doesn't mean it is not true.

2. Trust Su's intuition. (see above)

3. I have learned the value of budgeting... unfortunately, now I am probably compulsive about it.

4. Primarily from Su's personal example, I learned the discipline of daily quiet times in the Word. Few lessons have impacted me as much as this one.

5. I have learned how to play my harmonica with a B flat saxophone. Our duets of old hymns brings more joy than you can imagine... of course, I do not have to listen to them!

6. Just because I am a pathological extrovert does not mean my wife or daughters will be condemned to the same personality flaw.

7. There is a limit to how many times I can invite people home for a meal in one week. Susan has the right to tell me what that limit is.

8. I have never learned to cook. However, I have learned to wash dishes efficiently and to clean up the kitchen. It has made for a nice partnership with Su who is a great cook.

9. Ironing shirts and trousers redeems the time lost spent watching the news. A corollary of this lesson is that I still find women's blouses to be more difficult to iron than men's shirts.

10. If a loving wife makes you coffee in the morning (even though she can no longer drink it), the least I can do is make the bed.

11. I have had to learn to give injections (shots or jabs). Susan gives them to everyone else in our missions community. Unfortunately, she has to get them from you-know-who. It could be worse. I had a good teacher.

12. Although I still speak it with a thick accent and limited vocabulary, I have learned to speak a bit of "Woman" over the years. One wife and three daughters will do that to you. However, as the country western songs says, “I’m still a guy.”

13. Thinking of speaking, when I married Su I did not speak one word of Spanish. Now we have half of our conversations in it. Good thing it is known as a romantic language!

14. When Susan says she hears a strange sound downstairs (or upstairs or outside), it is my job to check it out.

15. Make sure you take plenty of reading material to hospitals. No matter how long they tell you the procedure, surgery or intervention will take, it is going to be longer. Waiting when people are doing things to your wife is like living in a strange time warp where everything takes too long.

16. Playing competitive Scrabble with your wife increases your vocabulary. Also, when she says, "I am losing anyway. I am just going to play for fun," I am in deep weeds - she is about ready to whoop me.

17. Good coffee and old stories really are two of life's greatest joys. This is especially true if the person with whom you share the coffee was with you when you were living the stories.

Susan

18. From day one of our marriage, I learned to sleep with loud, irregular snoring in my ear. It's a good thing I haven't complained too much, since now I often wake myself up with my own snoring!

19. I claim to be tri-lingual. I speak English, Spanish, and "Man." I'm least fluent in "Man," but keep learning how to better understand and communicate with Woody.

20. Woody taught me long ago how to drive a motorcycle. I never could quite manage to kick-start the old Honda 500 by myself, though. I just didn’t weigh enough! When I used to work nights at the hospital in Longview, Texas, I would often have to ask Charles, a night orderly that weighed in well over 200 pounds, to kick start it for me so that I could drive home in the morning. (The electric starter seemed to always be on the blink.)

21. Woody also taught me to fly a small plane and he helped me understand the wisdom of taking out the sick sack in a timely manner.

22. Woody is generous to a fault. I've learned generosity from him, and learned to not fault him for it!

23. I have gained an appreciation of art and history. Initially I could only tolerate a one-hour stretch in an art museum. Last year we spent 2 1/2 hours in the Orsay Museum in Paris, and I begged to stay longer.

24. Woody is a tremendous example to me in various areas where God continues to stretch me, including patience, commitment, hospitality, and wisdom.

25. I learned that I married a writer! Woody himself didn't realize it until several years into our marriage. Now I love reading and editing what he writes.

26. I learned to calmly accept questions such as, “Can you fix lunch for sixty people tomorrow?” (Part of the joys of church-planting.)

27. A memorized prayer can be a good thing. From the Roland family prayer we got our family motto: Be ever mindful of the needs of others.

28. Two parents are optimal in raising children. (I greatly respect those of you that are single-parenting!) We loved raising our children together and now are enjoying grand-parenting.

29. From the beginning of our marriage, people kept warning us that things always get worse, "Just wait 'til you've been married a year... until you have children.. until you have teenagers ... then you won't be as happy!" We've found each year that being in love only gets better.

30. Having the above happiness (see point # 29) takes a lot of work and investment. We have learned to be very intentional in taking time not just to go on a date, but to talk about our relationship and work on learning to have a healthy dialogue with one another.

31. Mentors are so important. Together we have learned how valuable it is to pour our lives into the lives of others and to seek counsel for ourselves.

32. Glasses are of utmost importance and value. Since I didn’t have to wear glasses until age 45, I confess I used to take them for granted. When Woody got stung by a bee and I leaped to his aid, crushing his favorite pair of glasses in the process, I learned that I need to allow him to grieve the loss. Having glasses of my own has deepened my appreciation for an attachment to them!

33. Marrying an extrovert does not necessarily mean I'll start to enjoy parties.

34. When I married Woody, I knew God had given me a wonderful man. But, it's taken 34 years to discover so many facets of him that are such a gift to me.