Ambiguous Loss

As many of you know, Su continues to slog through her recovery from surgery last September. Truthfully, it hasn't been easy and doesn't seem to get much easier as the months drag on. To their credit, the surgeon and his staff in Kansas City never promised us that Su would make a "full recovery." In fact, to the contrary, they said we could hope for something in the 50% range. Admittedly, that would be an excellent batting average. However, it is a rather uncertain measurement when applied to my wife's quality of life.

This week, I have been reading a book entitled Ambiguous Loss by Pauline Boss and recommended to me by our friends, Gary and Joy Hanson. The basic message of this secular book is that with ambiguous loss in life there is no clear end to the problem and there is no certainty that a loved one will come back and be the way they used to be. Ouch! That sounds a little too close to our own situation. Maybe that is the reason the Hansons had recommended the book!

 

Now, I am your "basic guy." I tend to look for solutions to problems. After  several years of marriage, Su learned to say to me, "I am going to share a feeling with you. There is no need for you to fix it." When she doesn't provide this verbal clue, I tend to go into strategic planning mode to resolve whatever issue Su is presenting to me. Like I say, I am, in fact, a guy. 

Unfortunately, not every situation we encounter in life has a clear solution. In fact, the older I get the more suspicious I am of "quick fixes and magic bullets." Sometimes there is no clear path to resolve our current situation. Sometimes you just have to keep on living, walking in faith and doing the next thing - whatever the next thing is.

I am encouraged that God understands ambiguous loss in life. In Isaiah 42:3 we read, "A crushed reed he will not break, a dim wick he will not extinguish." That seems to describe ambiguous loss - no quite whole, not really broken; not in full flame, but not yet extinguished.

Later on in the same chapter, after describing Himself as the Creator and All-powerful, He says, "... I take hold of your hand."  In the context of the passage, he is talking about taking the Messiah's hand. However, today I like to think of Him taking mine... ours. 

When I was a boy I used to walk hand-in-hand with my father. His hands were thick, strong and calloused. My own hand seemed to get lost in his palm. He walked too fast for me, but that was okay - his strong grip provided a "power-assist,"enabling me to keep up with him. Right now, I am counting on our heavenly Father extending His hand, much like my earthly father once did. We trust he'll give that gentle tug that helps us to imitate the Johnny Walker adverts and "keep on walking."