Mayor Rahm Emanuel recently said that a certain fast-food chain was not welcome in his city because the restaurant's values "are not Chicago values." The minute I heard that comment, I began to meditate on the greater question of what those Chicago values are... or, are not.
It frightens me that statements by politicians can sometimes encourage me to actually think.
Now, let me explain that I have lived on and off in the Chicago suburbs for a significant amount of time. I am personally proud that my daughter and son-in-law are investing their lives in a challenging barrio of Chicago proper. I even support the Cubs and Bulls... not just in the good times, but also in the normal, painful, and crushingly humiliating times. I do this even though one of my family members (who I will only identify by his initials... Chris Ophus) is a White Sox fan.
However, if you love Chicago you need to understand that it will probably always be, well, Chicago. And Chicago values are, well, unique.
First, Chicago values pizza. Seriously. I mean you can get into a significant argument about pizza in Chicago. Giordano's, Uno's, Lou Malnati's and, even, Gino's East all have their vocal supporters. Perhaps the reason that Mayor Emanuel publicly opposes the specific restaurant he mentioned last week is that they do not serve pizza.
Second, Chicago values hot dogs and brats. I am not sure if this preoccupation with mysterious meat products encased in animal by-products comes from the Italian or Polish heritage. However, you can find a place to get your fix of this supposed food substance almost anyplace in the greater Chicago area. My personal favorite used to be Superdawg on Milwaukee Avenue. After saying "hiya," the wait staff will make sure you know they do not serve wieners or frankfurters or red hots. They serve superdawgs.
I was eating there one day with my friend, Kiernan Mack, when he dropped his Superdawg on his lap. As long as he continues sending the checks I will never reveal what he said... except to small, intimate groups of people.
Of course Chicago does not only value food. It's worldview also includes corruption as a full-contact, competitive sport.
I am not talking about your local builder or health inspector asking for a donation to his/her retirement fund. I am talking about corruption as an additional pillar of government. University of Illinois at Chicago professor, Dick Simpson, cites data from the U.S. Department of Justice to prove that Chicago is the most corrupt city in the country. He should know. Prof. Simpson used to serve as the alderman of the 44th Ward.
Mr. Simpson estimates the annual cost of corruption in Chicago to be around $500 million. This corruption tax on citizens includes police brutality, bogus contracts, bribes, theft and ghost pay-rolling.
For the record, the first trial for corruption in Chicago took place in 1869 - certain aldermen and country commissioners were convicted of literally rigging a contract to whitewash City Hall. Come on. You gotta love it.
Of course, to Chicago's credit, it can't help being corrupt. After all, since the 1970's four of Illinois' seven governors have been convicted and sentenced to jail time. Su actually met one of them, George Ryan, at a clinic she used to manage in Rolling Meadows. She told me he seemed like a nice guy. Apparently, in direct contradiction to what one of my grade school teachers used to say, you can be nice and bad - at the same time!
I could continue. However, in the interest of brevity, let me conclude by saying that Chicago values voter rights. This is true even though it remains one of the most segregated cities in North America. In fact, Chicago values voter rights so much that they extend those rights to those who "have already passed on to the other side." Just because you die doesn't mean you have lost your right to impact an election. You are never sure who has won the election in Chicago or Illinois until the votes come in from Oakwoods or Rosehill Cemetery.
So, Mayor Emanuel, thank you for making a public stand for Chicago values. I am sure you would have also wanted me to include things like road construction (combining the best of both corruption and horrendous traffic), but there simply wasn't enough time. I apologize.
One definition of values I have heard is, "Important and enduring beliefs or ideals shared by the members of a culture about what is good or desirable and what is not." I am not sure what fast-food restaurant Jesus would have managed. However, it seems like it would have provided the best product to the most common people at an honest price. Once they were in the restaurant and satisfied with their experience, my guess is He would have sat down next to them - whoever they were - and tried to strike up a genuine friendship.
He had a way of doing that - still does.
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