Helpless, Helpless, Helpless

In 1969 Neil Young wrote and recorded a song about his early childhood. I do not claim to understand all the references in "Helpless," but it seems to reflect on bittersweet memories from the time he lived in the small town of Omemee, Ontario; his experience of contracting polio when he was six and the long recovery; and, his parents' rather acrimonious divorce. If you know the song, you understand the chorus (which repeats "helpless, helpless, helpless, helpless..") is one of those earworms which is almost impossible to get out of your head. As I sat next to Su's bed in the hospital this past week, the song, and more importantly the concept of being helpless, kept traveling a well worn path through my brain.

There are certain limitations to what you can do to help a loved one when they are recovering from major surgery. They are the ones who feel the pain. They are the ones that suffer the side-effects of the drugs. They are the ones who the well-meaning hospital personnel wake up at all hours for blood pressures, checking oxygen levels, and to ask rather invasive questions about basic body functions.

I'll admit it, along with Mr. Young, this past week I have felt plain ol' helpless.

I came of age in Christian ministry when the visionary, can-do kind of leader was in vogue. Real Christian leaders were meant to be small caliber television stars who had an answer for almost anything. In a sense, it was like we were all suppose to miraculously combine Henley's Invictus ("I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.") with a large dose of pop Christianity.

Neil Young

Yesterday morning, the restaurant where I ate breakfast had a preacher on their television set. I won't name names, but he has an extraordinarily large smile. In the few minutes I actually listened to him, he let me know that I can do anything. ANYTHING! I can do "all that" because God wants me to live a life without limits.

Anything? To tell you the truth, during my hospital nights this past week I would have been satisfied with "something."

In the light of day (and with Su still in pain, but out of the hospital) I realize that God is going to continually be at work on my tendency to rely on myself rather than on Him. In John 15:5 I read, "Apart from me you can do nothing." My guess is that He probably meant it.

Unfortunately (for hard cases like myself) God often has to use adversity to teach us that we cannot be self-reliant. The Apostle Paul understood this. He described his difficulties as "far beyond our ability to endure." He also said those difficulties occurred so "[we] wouldn't rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." (2 Corinthians 1:8,9)

It is good to know that in weeks (months?) when we find ourselves humming rather maudlin songs like "Helpless" that God isn't. He is still our strength, our rock and the One who supports us in difficulties beyond our natural abilities to endure. He is "all that" and much more.